Self Care Alert: Stop Saying Yes to What You’re Good At

August 10, 2021

Screaming a BIG YES to what matters – and stepping away from everything that doesn’t align.

OKAY – can you and I both agree that sometimes you need to say NO to what you like so you can say a big, fat, YES to what you love? To say YES to what actually matters?

As I grow as a fantasy author, and thereby business owner, I’m learning a LOT about the power of “no” these days.

It’s not a word I used to say often – mainly because those two letters would be followed by some tough discipline depending on who it was said to and in what context.

If you didn’t know, friend, a part of my heritage is being Haitian.

I grew up in the USA. But, I was raised in a Haitian household. Cultural norms for us, especially as children and youth, meant saying yes even when you wanted to say no.

And if you thought you could be fresh with your family like your American friends, you’d be quickly reminded of the actual culture you belonged to.

“But Susan talks with her mom this way?”
“Eh eh! Se manman Susan mwen ye? Se Susan map elve? Pitit, ou fou? Wap apron yon leson jodi a.”

All my Haitians, you just felt that deep in your spirit, didn’t you. For my non Kreyól speakers, Mom’s response would usually go: “Eh eh! Am I Susan’s mom? Am I raising Susan? Child, are you crazy? You’re going to learn a lesson today.”

WHEW, chile! 🥴

Having learned through my upbringing not to wield the answer “no” at a young age – that naturally trickled into my way of approaching life as an adult.

“Stephanie, would you teach a webinar on this topic?” Yes.

“Stephanie, can you tell us how to build X and create Y?” But of course.

“Stephanie, we need you to do this thing.” Okay, sure.

“Stephanie, you’re great at this. Why aren’t you doing it?” You’re right.

However – just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you need to be doing it. Focusing on good when you could be moving towards best is still a loss.

Which is why in this next season, I’m saying a big NO to teaching and a big YES to writing.

I’ve done the two at the same time for years. But more often than not, teaching took over my life and I was left with hardly any time to get writing done.

Webinars, masterclasses, courses, teaching about writing on social media, creating writer groups online… I was teaching. Teaching. Teaching.

And so much time was lost when it was time for writing.

So, though it’s not a skill I was raised with, I’m saying NO. No to what I’m good at, so I can say YES to what I’m best at.

Which is writing these: fast-paced, action packed, romantically tense, vivid world, relatable angelic characters, stories.

And with doing so, my goal is to do three things for you.

To write stories that: Educate, entertain, and edify.

For every story, whether short story—HAH – This is a joke because I’m too long winded. More like novella—or full length novel, one or all three of these elements will be involved.

I hope to Educate.

Often, us authors are responsible for how readers develop their perspective on an issue. This trickles into stories showing consensual romance. Or even how individuals in a society interact with those who are different from them. As well as what to think about certain topics. Or at least, to be challenged to view something from a different perspective.

That is a goal of mine with my stories. I want you to learn something about yourself as you learn new things about the characters. I want you to reflect on your own world as you deep dive into one of my angelic worlds. I pray you’ll walk away different somehow after being swept away by the narrative, no matter how long, or short.

I hope to entertain.

Art isn’t art if it doesn’t entertain us in some way or regard. The best art moves us in an emotional way that stays with us. My goal is for you to be entertained as you read the books in Elledelle.

I want you to laugh. To cry. To be annoyed. To roll your eyes. To huff in frustration. To slam the book down. To pick it up and stall from reading the last few pages. I want you to be swept away by a magical world, with magical angels, and their magical power, as they go on a magical journey.

I probably used ‘magical’ too many times, but oh well. I want you to close the book and simmer because you’re waiting for the next tale. I want you to come up with your own ending when the ride is over.

I hope to edify.

This is the most important of all to me. In the Bible, there’s a verse that says:

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; (Colossians 3:23)

When I apply it personally, it means, every time I write a book, it’s a sacred act unto God.

Yes, I write for myself. Because you’d be surprised how much I need the stories as much as some of you do.

But I also write as service unto the Lord.

Which means, every single story has to edify you somehow.

Am I encouraging you to pick up your faith again? Do I remind you to believe in true love? Do I open your eyes to what a stable family looks like? Do I help you remember just how powerful you are and that you should never give up?

That’s the ultimate goal. Sure I want you to learn, and I want you to feel. But above all, I desire for you to be empowered to action. Whether that’s believing in yourself, or doing something with a little less fear and a little more faith.

Elledelle is a vast universe. I learn something new about it every day, and I do my best to steward it’s developments with every newly published story.

I’m committing to writing in this new season. I have no clue how long my focus tunnel is, but I’m leaning in.

And by committing to the stories, yes friend, I’m committing to you.

I hope you’ve already gotten a head start by reading The Crescent and the Ash Queen, or Seraphim Falling.

The girl behind the blog

I’m Stephanie BwaBwa

Hey friend! I make up stories that move the heart and remind you of faith, hope, and love. I write about black angels in magical worlds with impressive power that mirror the human condition, all in the universe of Elledelle. Welcome to my corner of your fave billionnaries internet. 🥴

Free Book: The Crescent and the Ash Queen

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Start Reading: The Seraphim Resistance Prequels series

Beautiful world-building in a rich landscape of emotion. I was all over the place – rising in awe of the angelic beings and their vibrancy, recoiling at the horror of war, and plummeting in sorrow over their loss and despair. This book was short and powerful, packing quite a punch of feeling! i loved it. Can’t wait for the rest of this series!

Amazon Review

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Stephanie BwaBwa is a Jesus-centered, young adult and fantasy author, writing in the universe of Elledelle about black angels in magical worlds with impressive power that mirror the human condition.

Stephanie is  🇨🇦 Canadian, 🇭🇹 Haitian, & 🇨🇩 Congolese. Represent!!

Stephanie has authored the The Seraphim Resistance Prequels, and The Transcendents serial, and is an avid reader of fantasy and fiction. 

Jesus is her Lord, Disney+ is her safe place, she dreams of being a monkey mama and she’s always penning a new story in Elledelle.

You can usually catch her going for a walk through a park, or simply binging Disney+ with too many snacks. Get in contact with Stephanie directly at: stephaniebwabwa.com.